Fortunately, Unfortunately...

[PoisonWing14]

Unfortunately, it's broken from falling, you lack the proper tools to fix it, and you have a really bad headache.

[grassaquilUV]

Fortunately, The fuel explodes, (not killing you), and blasting you far away from the mines.

[PoisonWing14]

Unfortunately, you now have 3rd degree burns over most of your body, a broken leg, and still have a bad headache.

[grassaquilUV]

Fortunately, You had a skin suit on, so you take it off, and you have only first degree burns.

[Doodleshark]

Unfortunately, the local militia is ticked off that you were messing around in their minefield.

[PoisonWing14]

Fortunately, they weren't really using it for anything, see that you're hurt, and bring you to their doctor to check out your broken leg and headache.

[grassaquilUV]

Unfortunately, they mixed up the paperwork, and you are sent to a guillotine instead of the doctor.

[Josiah]

Fortunately, guillotines were outlawed a long time ago, so it's just a harmless replica.

[grassaquilUV]

Unfortunately, they think you are just the replica dummy they sent for, and when they are done, throw you in the ocean.

[PoisonWing14]

Fortunately, you're able to swim quite well, and are only ten feet from shore.

[Doodleshark]

Unfortunately, the water is infested with vicious Doodlesharks.

[grassaquilUV]

Fortunately, you remember the Doodlebob episode of Spongebob, and erase all the DoodleSharks with an eraser.

[Josiah]

Unfortunately, now you need a new eraser.

[grassaquilUV]

Fortunately, you don't care, since you are still alive.

[Doodleshark]

Unfortunately, you're only alive in The Matrix.