The Official Rant Thread

[Saber Knight]

Huh, I haven't ranted in a long, long time. Well, time to change things up. This is going to be really long, as a warning, but I have a lot I need to get out.

So, today was All Bands Night at school. Basically, the middle school bands play, the jazz bands play, the marching band palys, and then the high school concert band plays. I am in 3 of those categories.

So we played the marching band show (I couldn't believe I still knew almost all of it since I haven't played it all the way through since November), which was first, and I hit all of my notes (except for a couple measures where I stopped because I didn't remember the part, but that part wasn't important anyway). Then the middle school jazz band went, so I had a chance to rest my chops (if you are not aware, playing a brass instrument is physically demanding. You pick up a trumpet for the first time in your life, once you figure out how to make a sound out of it, at best you're hitting a G on the staff. I can hit a B above the staff reliably when my chops aren't dead). Then high school jazz band A, and we played our toughest song 2nd, so I was kind of tired by the end. Then we set up for concert band.

Our first piece was a shorter one (compared to our other piece), but very high. Plus, there's also the fact that if I stop playing, it's VERY noticable. I really hate saying this because I sound like a TOTAL JERK, but I'm too mad to care right now: I carry the trumpet section. If I stop playing... we lose the melody line. It happened a couple times during the concert because I was just TOO TIRED after playing in two bands before this, so I left out a measure or two... suddenly, I could barely hear the trumpets. The kid next to me was the only other kid on 1st trumpet, and I could barely hear him, if he was hitting the notes at all. A TRUMPET! RIGHT NEXT TO HIM AND I CAN'T HEAR?! WHAT?!

Anyway, I made it through that song somehow, but then we hit the second, longer one. On this one I play 1st/solo cornet (for all who don't know, a cornet part can be played on trumpet), so it's a given that I'm the only one on my part. The song starts off high, but we're all in unison for this one part, so I wouldn't play those sometimes to rest my chops.... WE STILL WOULD LOSE THE MELODY LINE! ABOUT 6 OTHER TRUMPETS IN UNISON, AND IT'S GONE. In my music, several cue notes for trumpet are written in (as in, they're not supposed to be played by me, but by people who have the "trumpet" part instead of the "cornet" part, they're just there to give me a feel of where we are in the music). I play every single trumpet cue not I have because I look over and the other trumpets are staring at the music like they've never seen notes before. RAGHHH!!! We hit a high part of the song, and I skipped a couple measures of it because the trumpet part isn't the melody there... then there was this wicked high obnoxious complicated part which I kind of messed up, but the part is supposed to sound awkward so it wasn't a big deal.

Then we hit my 2nd solo.

I'd had an "official" solo earlier on in the song (though it feels like I'm playing a solo all the way through). This was the 2nd one, and this was the more obvious one. Everyone else goes real soft, and I'm clearly the only one doing interesting stuff. I hit the first note solidly, which reassured me because sometimes I can't find it (C and E are kind of close, and they're the same fingering for trumpet, so jumping on it blindly, I sometimes hit an E on accident). However, I guess I overestimated how much energy I had left in me because I got to the F and.... flubbed it. FREAKING FLUBBED IT!!! AGHHHHHH!!! I DON'T THINK I COULD HAVE MADE A MORE OBVIOUS MISTAKE IF I TRIED! I paused for a measure after that and weakly hit my next D... I edited the solo so I ended on a low F instead of a high F because my confidence had just been shattered and I was pretty sure there was no way I was going to try that high F again. I. Felt. Awful. I got a few measures of rest, then came back in with my FREAKING TRUMPET CUE NOTES THAT ONLY I PLAY and when the other cornets came in I tried to take a break, but then the melody was ABSOLUTELY GONE so I quickly came back in and... just... ugh... I somehow managed to, through sheer willpower and frustration, hit the high A at the end of the song... I would have preferred to hit that F during my solo.

Our band director could tell I was upset, because he knows I'm wicked hard on myself, and after the tune was over I made no move to stand up to be recognized as a soloist. He called out my name though and kept gesturing at me to stand up, so I did so awkwardly feeling like "yeah, I effed up. Thanks for recognizing it" and after we all took our bows and were putting the chairs away he came over to me and told me that I had "played [my] brains out" for the whole rest of the night, and that one note wasn't a big deal and that I recovered well and plowed through the rest of the tune... but that didn't really make me feel altogether better, because you know you messed up when your band director has to come over and console you. So, yeah, I was pretty upset with myself, but then came the moment where I almost lost my temper.

So, there's another kid in the trumpet section in marching band, however he switched to euphonium for concert band, just for fun. He and I are about equal in skill level (though my band director told my mom in confidence that he (band director) believes I'm better than him (other trumpet)), but he's constantly making fun of me and calling me a bad trumpet player, which I usually just brush off. He's been a good friend of mine for a long time, but recently his insults have grown more frequent and have really started to piss me off. So, after the concert when I'm putting my music stand and chair away, he comes over to me and says "Look I know Eddie (he was in the band last year, section leader for brass, but not that great at trumpet, he was somehow way better at mellophone than trumpet. Other trumpet constantly makes fun of him even more so than he makes fun of me) is a cool guy and all, but he's really not a great role model. You shouldn't try to be like him. Though you did a great impression of him tonight."

I don't think I've ever come closer to punching someone in the face in my whole life. I was so mad, I was ridiculiously close to just screaming at him because DIDN'T HE THINK I FELT BAD ENOUGH AS IT IS THAT I MESSED THAT UP!? HOW COULD HE BE SUCH AN ASSHOLE?! He's been bad, but never that bad, never THAT insensitive. I nearly snapped. I nearly just started shouting at him for all the crap he's given me the past month about how sh**** a trumpet player I supposedly am when I FREAKING CARRY THE TRUMPET SECTION! My mom is far from a music expert, and when I went home she told me even SHE could tell when I stopped playing that the trumpet section was completly dead--hell, she thought almost the whole song was a solo for me! WHICH IS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE! Even my trombone friend's mom (a music teacher) was apparently commenting on how well I was doing. I don't know what she thought about the flubbed note (my mom didn't notice, but that's because she know almost nothing about concert music), but she could tell I carried the section and when I stop, the trumpet sound stops. And you know what? THAT'S FREAKING HARD! Playing cornet AND trumpet cue notes gives me PRACTICALLY NO REST TIME and I can't stop because if I do IT SOUNDS LIKE CRAP. It's ridiculous--it's not fair, it makes no sense, one person shouldn't have to carry an entire section BUT I DO. And I'm SICK of it!

I came SO close to unleashing all of that on him. Shouting at him if he thought he could do a better job. When he stops playing euphonium, it's not a big deal--sure, he's the only one, but his part is usually doubled up on either trombone, french horn, or tenor sax, and he's not the melody line. I've seen him stop playing, I've heard him miss his notes BUT NO ONE GOES UP AND GIVES HIM CRAP ABOUT IT BECAUSE THEY HAVE SOME DECENCY. The thing is, I KNOW the moment I stopped yelling at him, that he'd just turn around and make fun of me for PMSing or some crap like that. I'm so sick of all his goddamm sexist jokes. How I don't count as a part of jazz band because I'm a girl. That I don't matter because I'm a girl. That I suck at trumpet because I'm a girl. It's actually started to take a blow to my self confidence.... mostly the how much I suck at trumpet things.

But I didn't say anything, I merely clenched my fists and left before I lost my temper.

That was wicked long. I wonder if anyone bothered to read. I'm not quite sure how it managed to get so long... guess I just had a lot to say. I'm still wicked mad. I had to not drive home right away when I got in my car because I had to sit there and control my temper for a bit. This made me feel a bit better, but hopefully I'll be able to sleep it off so I can see him in band tomorrow and not punch him in the face.

[Silver]

Silver's advice:

You should punch him in the face.










...What?

[Metalheadz]

I would say defend yourself a little and just use some assertive words on him, just to let him know you don't want him to do such things to you. On top of that, he he's really been doing this to you for quite some time, get a parent or principal involved and get him to talk to the proper adults for that kind of behavior towards you.

I'd love to say Silver's advice works, but I think it's better to get some other people to talk to this guy first. He is a bully if he continues this everyday, so its best to get something done.

[Kaida]

I do like Silver's way of putting it. Kindda reminds me of Ed in flame vs metal...

Anyway as for going to adults or teachers, in theory its supposed to work... but it doesn't always. I've gone to adults before. Sometimes they stop the teasing and stuff, and othertimes it just gets worse.
And if he's making sexist jokes and such. I get the strange feeling that a punch in the face would work better then going to an adult. But you know, thats not everyone. I eventually gave up trying to get them to stop and just ignored it.
They got bored. They stopped and went on to torment some other poor kind that they got a reaction out of.

Although I'm sure if anyone who wasn't my friend remembers me in anyway it'll be as "that lesbian chick"....

[Saber Knight]

Well, even though he pisses me off some times, he's still my friend, so I'm not about to go tell on him, or anything. He's rude and insensitive all the time, but he usually knows when he's gone too far, something he seemed NOT to notice yesterday.

Usually, when he makes fun of me, it's all in good humour, but it's just been lately that he's been toeing the line a little too much and some comments hurt. I was especially snarky to him in return to all his comments today instead of just laughing with them like I usually do. I think I'll stick with that for now and see how much he likes it when I toss all his comments back at him.

I must admit, I'm impressed people actually read that wall of text :P

[Silver]

That's because we love you, Saber :)

...Or, something like that.

[Josiah]

In situations like that, there's a lot of different things you can do but different ones work better or worse on different people. Someone people will quickly back down if you get an adult involved, other won't. Some will stop if you hit them, some will just get worse. Ditto with fighting back verbally. Completely ignoring everything is usually the most likely to work but it can take a while and once in a while it will just make things worse instead. So yeah, you can of need to judge the person and maybe try different approaches.

[Saber Knight]

Yeah, completely ignoring him has actually made things worse... I figured he'd cut it out when he stopped getting a response for me, but that just seemed to give him an "oh, this is okay" invitation. Fighting back verbally has seemed to work well, because he's been less of a prick :P

Awwww, thanks, Silver :)

.....Or something like that.

[PoikSpirit]

I know what you mean Saber. I was the loudest Clarinet in our band, which isn't quite as surprising considering the instrument (and the fact that I usually played alto and bass which require more wind), but I often felt like I was carrying the whole section. I remember "flubbing" a bit and how awful that feels. Even so, I also remember getting a hold of my parents recording (because they were obsessed with recording everything at the time) and listening to it, only to hear that it wasn't half as bad as I thought. I'm sorry that happened to you, and I probably would have punched him in the face, even though I've actually never punched someone before outside of sparring. :\

On a side note, the best Jazz saxaphone player I have ever heard was a girl.

More importantly, I'm glad you didn't hit him. There's rarely a time when that does more good than bad. Take care of yourself Saber, and try not to let it get to you. You are awesome. Just remember that.

[Metalheadz]

Two girls at my school. There is one I'm really good friends with (I'll refer to her as S in this post), almost bffls. The other one WAS a really good friend to me (I'll refer to her as H), until she became really sassy about a month ago and decided to upset me a whole lot (that's a different story, though.) Recently, I've been hearing rumors here and there of me and S doing some sexual things together, because H realized how I talk to her all the time and hug in the hallway a lot, she thought it could be used as a weapon against me. I'm getting some proper people from school involved tomorrow, I hope S isn't upset with me. As for H, she's been doing some of the worst revengeful things to me ever since we were through with each other, and it's ticking me off a lot. I get angry whenever I see her, because she always has something up her sleeve to throw at me. I hate gossip with a burning passion, though I do admit I do talk about people behind there back, I think this will teach me not to do it anymore.

[Josiah]

Not quite a rant but... I feel like talking and this isn't stuff I'm going to go into depth on in a PV news post.

Got a lot done today. I meet with some people at the college where I'll be working to get some paperwork done, finished looking at apartments, and explored Gainesville (the nearest city) a bit. After yesterday and today, I'm a bit more positive about living here and a bit less positive about my upcoming job.

First off, living accomodations. While Lake City isn't really slummy (like I thought it might be), even the best apartment complexes here aren't all that great. They're ok, but a good level or two lower than what I'm used to from Phoenix and even though they're supposed to be relatively safe, the area's high crime rates still gave me a big pause. On the bright side, I found a much nicer place (more like what I've had in Phoenix) in a nice little town about half an hour away. It's a bit of a commute, but it should be worth it for the nicer apartment and proximity to Gainesville. While Gainesville has nothing on Phoenix, it's got a pretty good selection of stores and restaurants. Overall, living here should be ok. I'll miss having so much great stuff within walking distance like I have for the last couple of months in Phoenix, and it sucks that there isn't a Whole Foods anywhere nearby (though the nearby healthfood stores are good enough), but it's not bad. It's also slightly annoying that the apartment doesn't come with a washer and dryer (though I could rent some), but none of them do over here (as opposed to Phoenix, where they're a standard feature). I ended up signing a year lease. That's a bit of a risk, since my initial job contract is only for nine months, but I got a really really good deal as a result (2 months free rent + $200) and, even if I don't end up staying at my job for a second year, I could hang out over the summer or just leave my stuff there while traveling (hoping to spend a while next summer in Japan). Worst case, I could always break the lease early (though the fees for that are pretty bad) or physically move out without "officially" moving out a bit early.

As far as the job goes, it looks like they're going with my suggested course list for the game program, which is great! On the down side, they've decided not to actually start the game program until spring semester since it'd be really down to the wire if they tried to get it launched for fall. So where does that leave me? Well, there's course planning (I've gotta get all the planning and prep done for those future game courses), which is fine. Unfortunately, I apparently have to teach 5 - 6 courses each semester whether my program is running or not. It's looking like they're going to stick me on several sessions of a intro to MS Office course. That'll be boring but I can certainly teach it. The problem is that they're insisting on sticking me with a programming class or two and I don't program. About the best I can do is pick a really easy book, teach straight out of it, and try to stay slightly ahead of the students. Aside from the fact that I really dislike programming (nothing against programming itself, my mind just isn't wired the right way), I really don't feel comfortable having to teach something I don't know well. 5 - 6 courses also seems like a somewhat high workload for my salary, especially considering all the new courses I'll have to design from scratch at the same time. On top of that, this college has an odd rule. At most colleges I'm familiar with, professors only have to be on campus to teach (and possibly grade) their courses plus a few office hours. Here though, if I teach give courses I need to be on campus 33 hours a week. If I teach 6, that drops to 23. Why? I have no idea. But it seems I'll be spending several full days each week on campus whether I need to or not. Admittedly, a lot of jobs requires you to spend around 8 hours a day at work, so I can't complain too much about that. For a job like this though, it just seems unneccessary. Long story short, fall semester isn't looking all that great. Spring could be a lot better, but I'll still have to teach several non game related courses. If I stick around for fall 2012, I'd be full time game courses, but since my initial contract only goes until early May, it's way too early to start thinking about that. Since this game program is brand new, there's no guarentee it'll be around in year. That aside, there's also the issues of whether or not the college will want to renew my contract (hopefully they will) and whether I'll want to stay.

I'll be back in Phoenix in a couple of days but it's hard to believe that I'll be moving here to Florida in around three weeks and starting work in slightly less than a month... This is my third time moving away from Phoenix and I've never been able to stay there for as long as I'd like... Though I will be about 90 minutes from the beach and 2 hours from Orlando, so I'll be sure to have some fun while I'm in Florida.

[Giga-Gar]

two things. 1) Welcome to the South! 2) Does this mean we get to call you Professor, Prof., ect.?

[Josiah]

I suppose you could. I believe my exact title is associate professor (despite how much work I'll be doing). But I prefer Josiah.

[Silver]

Aw... but calling you "Professor" makes it feel like we're in Harry Potter...

Despite having been in college for two years, I still think that way.

Also, welcome to the East Coast! Does this mean there's a chance of seeing you at Otakon sometime?

[Josiah]

If it was a week or two later, I probably would have tried to go this year but, as is, there's no way it'll work. Next year is possible...but I'm not sure where I'll be come the end of next summer. As previously stated, the college where I'll be working is just starting their game program so it's hard to say for sure how it'll go, whether they'll want to keep me (hopefullly they will), and whether I'll want to stay (which depends on how much I like the area, how much I like the job, and whether or not I happen to find a better job somewhere else once my contract is up). My lease does go till early August so there's a chance I'll still be in the area even if I don't sign up for another year... Anyway, let's just say that if I fully plan on attending Otakon if I'm ever in a good position to do so. I went once a year or two before I started PV and it was a blast. But I'd need the free time and money. Of course, the closer I am the less time and money would be required.

In the meantime, if anyone ever gets the urge to visit Gainesville (though I'm not quite sure why you would unless you're checking out the college), let me know. I'm also within driving distance of Orlando, so I could potentially meet up with people at Disney or something depending on my schedule.