IPA Apprentice: Reality TV on the Internet! (Season 2?)

[Giga-Gar]

I've still got to type mine out, but I'm all for the MSN challenge! But, uh, can it be between 5:30 and 9:00, central time if it's going to be tomarrow? Or better yet, on a Saturday? I can't do friday. I have to go to a football game.

[Silver]

Yeah... I don't really care when it happens, you guys try to figure something out, and I'll... hopefully either revive Compy or get MSN/whatever we're going to be doing this in on my mom's computer... I think she already has AIM, so if we could do that, my life would be exponentially easier...

On an unrelated note, IPA will, once again, not be updating due to Compy's death... but you'll get extra credit at life if you can tell me how to save a computer from the Blue Screen of Death when he does that everytime he tries to load Windows XP.

[Giga-Gar]

Well, here's my try.

Ok, first off, I'm not covering politics. For one, I don't pay much attention to it, and two, it tells its own jokes. I'm not doing what Paris Hilton or Britney Spears or whoever did this time because those air-head pre-madonas already have enough attention as it is. Instead, I'm going to ask how we allow those freaks we call IPA to live. I mean seriously! Did a Meganium and an Exploud randomly fall in love and decide to have a kid? Imagine they're supprise when the Whismer that hatched was green and sporting a leaf on its head. They must have been thinking 'Oh good lord, what is that!?' And don't get me started on Sheildyu. That thing looks like it was created by a mad scientist who had no idea how that thing would survive. He must have been insane at the time. Then again, insanity is probably a pre-requisite for being a mad scientist.

So, Silver was planning on a Miss IPA Pageant after this challenge, huh? Well, I can say for certain that I won't be in it. It's not that I won't do it, it's that I can't do it. I am literaly as skiny as a rail. I am six-teen years old, I am 6'4", and I weigh 95 pounds. Now for those people who use the metric system, that's about 43.1 Kg. I am not kidding, I am litteraly that skinny. You know those dresses that fit those skin and bones models? Well, they're too big for me. Can you beleive it? Too big! And I'm eating breakfast, lunch, AND dinner! I don't know what's going on! *nervous laugh* Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to buy clothing? Well, I'll give you the short version first: very. I go to the young men section, find the smallest size they have, and guess what? They're too baggy. I go to the boy's section and try on the biggest size they have. Guess what? They're too small! I have to shrink those baggy clothes and they're still too big! My mother has a coniption fit everytime she takes me to go clothes shopping! Sooner or later she'll have sew my clothes. But, I guess I can see one good thing in that; I won't have too buy outragous prices for a T-Shirt that says 'Ambercrombe' or 'Holister' or 'Fitch' on it.

Please tell my you at least chuckled in your head. Can I see yours, Saber?

[Josiah]

((Well, here goes mine. If you still want to do an improv, I'm be available Friday night and most of Saturday.))

So, I totally planned to post this earlier but stuff came up. Not that I was planning for stuff to come up, it just had a knack of happening whenever I was about to post this. It would be like, "Gee, I have nothing to do, I think I'll post my IPA Apprentice entry. I'll just walk over to my computer and... *phone rings, e-mail arrives, etc* Holy crap! Now I suddenly have a lot of really important things to do. Oh well, I should have time to post my entry tomorrow." And that just kinda repeated over and over.
But seriously, what's up with this challenge anyway? I mean, first we were gonna do stand up comedy but since Silver can't tell if we're standing we have to do sit down comedy instead? Does sit down comedy even exist? I mean, someone sitting usually isn't all that funny. But then again, what makes stand up comedy any better? I can't recall ever looking at a person and thinking, "Woah, look at that guy standing there! That's got to be the funniest thing I've ever seen! I mean, standing? The guy is a comic genius!" So yeah, I don't think like that. Do you think like that? If you do, please let me know, it would certainly make my job a lot easier. Why write material when I can just walk up here and say, "Hey, look at me standing here! Behold my amazingly hillarious standing skills." Maybe I should try that. I mean, I've always considered myself pretty good at standing, maybe even great. With a bit of practice I could become one of the greatest stand up comedians in the world. I'll have it all! Wealth, fame, glory... Gee, my feet are getting really tired... Ah forget this, I'm gonna go sit back down, fame is too much work. Later people!

[Cheezdude]

Being so ashamed of my performance, I'm forfeiting. Bye, everyone.

[Giga-Gar]

Hey, now that four out of the five people competing posted, or in Saber's case PMed, their comedy routine, does this mean that we don't have to do the MSN challenge? I'm all for getting this over with.

[Saber Knight]

...alright, I'll show you guys mine.
It's kinda long and suck-ish, but I think you'll survive*

All right, before I begin, let me just say something.
I lost the game.
There, now no one can consider me a cheater. Not that I’d really care if I was a cheater, I mean, the game isn’t even fair! You can never win, only lose. Well, at least it’s great for your self-esteem.
“Hey, I got an A on my test!”
“Who cares? I lost the game.”
“Haha, you’re a loser!”
Really. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, allow me to explain.
The rules of the game are that you are always playing the game, and you can never win, only lose. You lose if you think about the game, and you must tell someone when you’ve lost. You then have 30 minutes to forget about the game and then the horrific cycle begins again and again.
Congratulations, you’ve now been infected with a blood-sucking parasite that is the game. Have fun!
But really, ever since I became a player of this mysterious game, it’s seemed to haunt me more than anyone else I know. At first, I just lost the game often, like any other loser.
“Hey, I’ve lost 6 times today”
“You know counting your losses only helps you lose the game more.”
“I…but…darn it!”
Then there was that time in class, where I lost and I, like the good non-cheater I am, leaned over to tell my friend that I had indeed lost the game. Well, our teacher wasn’t too happy about me talking while she was, and I was told to be quiet in front of the class. How’s that for fair! Looks like teachers, deep down, really want you to cheat. Well, to be fair, she was already in a bad mood that day. She probably lost the game earlier.
I got much better after that. But then, one tragic day, I was on my way to hockey practice when I lost the game about halfway there. At first it seemed like a harmless happenstance, but it let way for horrors to be unleashed.
So, I’m going to yet another delightful, safe hockey practice when at the same exact bend, I lose the game.
Couple days later, once again it’s hockey time, and guess what? I lose the game at the SAME EXACT PLACE.
Few days later, same thing.
Day after that is a repeat of the terror.
And practically every singe hockey practice thereafter. Why me! Why?!
And it’s only during hockey! Almost every other time I went by there, I was fine. Except for this one time when we were bringing my friend home from jazz band practice and I lost the game. He said that next time we went by that place, he’d shout “LALALALALALA!” to distract me.
So, it’s the next week and we’re driving him home.
“LALALALALA!!!”
Instead of helping, now he made it that every time someone says “La” repeatedly, I lose the game.
Well, hockey season only lasts so long, and once it had ended my losses per week had been reduced to only a few hundred. Now it’s softball time.
Me and my sister both play softball. Whenever she comes home from her softball games, I’ll ask her whether she won or lost. She’ll say either that she won her game or lost. Well, no matter her answer, I’ve lost. Lost the game, darn it all!
Video games seem like they’d be a sanctuary for me. But the curse of the game still haunts me even then. So, I’m playing a nice game of Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn and I finally make it to the boss of the level. I finish him off easily, but he has one last trick up his sleeve. As he dies, he says, “No! We’ve lost the gate!” Well, thank you mister! Now I’ve lost something more precious than your stupid gate. I’ve lost the game!
Gate, game, they’re all the same! There should be a law against making words in the English language that sound like “game”. Including words that rhyme with game. Lame, same, name, even maim. Just because it’s spelled different doesn’t mean it gets spared.
I don’t think I’ll ever stop losing. This game will haunt me for the rest of my life. 30 years from now, I’ll be at an important meeting when someone says some obscure thing that makes me think of the game. I’ll immediately blurt out that I’ve lost the game, and, after that, I’ll probably lose my job.
Y’know, I’m starting to think that the game is responsible for all the evil in the world. The black plague? The game’s fault. World hunger? Game did it. The fact that the amount of hot dogs in a package doesn’t match the number of buns? All the game’s doing.
Where did this darn game even begin anyways? It was probably some random guy from some obscure place that no one knows about. I bet they’re just sitting in their chair and laughing at all of the mayhem they’ve caused. Stupid guy. Stupid game.
Well, that’s all I really have to say on the matter. I can’t fight it anymore…the game has taken over my entire life. Everywhere I go, it just lies in wait ready to pounce. Looks like the game is slowly creeping closer to world domination, and I guess I’ve just accidentally helped it. My bad.
…hey, has it been 30 minute yet? If so, I lost the game.

...well, it wasn't too terrible. Now you'll never have to read it again.
Unless you really want to, that is. I sincerely doubt it though. :P

*Saber is not liable for any coughing, barfing, or fainting that may occur.

[Cheezdude]

Double elimination time~

[Giga-Gar]

Hold on Cheesy. We have to wait for Stevenson to judge this.

[Cheezdude]

NO. I resign.

[Giga-Gar]

Are you sure? Well, if you want to.

So, is this round over or not?

[Blastotoise]

Cheesy...HOW DARE YOU? What the ef is that hm? Dropping out? YOU DARE GET ME ELIMINATED, THEN DROP OUT?
I demand justice, or another shot at aprenticedome.

[Stevenson]

Sorry, pal, that's the way it works. Rotten luck, eh?

Anyway-I sent my judgement to Silver via PM, but I guess it didn't work.

Josiah wins.

[Giga-Gar]

Eh, I thought that would happen. But if Cheezy quit and Terra didn't post anything because she's grounded, does that mean we don't have to eliminate someone?

[Silver]

No, it means you have to choose someone to vote out. Now, the obvious choices would be Cheesey and Terra, since one didn't participate and one's quit... but it's Josiah's choice which one gets the boot.